Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Making Choices

I’m single. No doubt about it. I’ve spent more time being single in the last 15 years than being in a relationship.

Now I’ve reached a time in my life when having a partner doesn’t feel like it can wait. Not one second longer. But my readiness hasn’t yet been answered with a Disney-story prince appearing at my door. So I’ve appealed to friends to set me up on dates with people they know, I’ve signed up for online dating, and I’ve been trying the old tried and true method of flirting like I’m 20 again. 

Sometimes Lots of times my singledom frustrates me. It’s the monster that sleeps under my bed reminding me that no one shares my bed, or my meals, or other great and small aspects of my life.

Granted, this is the precise path I have chosen up to now. Going forward, I hope that my road less traveled may be holding hands with my soul’s mate. Until then, I walk (and run and dance…)

During a recent pep-talk email with a girlfriend of mine, I pointed out to her as much to myself that the tardiness of our finding love is, after all, about choices. In this particular case, it is word choice; she called it “slow,” I frame it as “choosy.”  

I consoled us both with these words: 

You are being selective in finding a mate. You are being deliberate about finding someone who is good to you, deserving of your love and highly compatible. Making the right choice takes time, and that’s something we can never resent. Sometimes rushed decisions can lead to mistakes (I’ll point to my car purchase of this summer as a perfect example). The trick is how can we live fully and happily doing what we really enjoy without feeling like we’re compromised by being single or missing out because we’re not with our someone.

I, too, struggle with the dilemma in terms of wanting to share activities and partnership now verses waiting until it happens. I just have to hope (and this might not resonate with you) that there is divine timing for union with my man because sometimes I feel like I’ve done all I can do.

Friends, if I haven’t already talked to you about this, and you feel compelled to help, please take advantage of this very public invitation to set me up with someone you know, respect and believe to be a compatible person for me. Feel free to consult with me if you feel stumped about the qualities that I’m looking for in a guy.

(This just goes to show that my former internal debate about what level of transparency I’ll have on this blog has rapidly slipped from opaque to Cling Wrap.)

Then again, if I say I’m ready for my life’s love then it’s best heard from rooftops, not simply as a murmured whisper to the monster that’s been sleeping under my bed.

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