Tuesday, January 3, 2012

I Feel Bliss

I feel blissed out. Maybe it’s a combination of fresh air and the stinging of my cheeks after exposure to the suddenly low temperatures. Maybe it's the feel of a night hike, trusting the quiet and the darkness. Maybe it’s the moon shining so brightly that I needn’t a headlamp as I walked through the glowing surface of the snow up the quarter-mile road to my house that looks as gingerbread as ever with the dusting of snow.

Maybe it's knowing I'm the first, here, now. And there's evidence.
The feeling of euphoria might be from not fighting it, not fighting any of it. I was a few minutes late to my yoga class this evening and was locked out; “oh well, I reasoned, must not be meant to happen.” I felt it genuinely, too. It wasn’t a consolation or practice in self-soothing; it was a recognition that tonight may not have been the night for me to show up for this class.

The slight surrender I’ve experienced this evening wasn’t with me all day. I struggled with wakefulness and my snooze button, but calm set in around noon when I was the only person in my Groove class. So I danced alone for that hour. I enjoyed playing in the space, trying new things with my body, and seeing just how the music wanted me to move.

There’s a hollow calm in me tonight, and I like it. Maybe this is peace.

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