You Look Great

When I lived in Washington DC in the early 2000s there was a man with Coke bottle-thick glasses who doled out compliments to everyone. Known as “The Compliment Man,” he had a knack for knowing what you wore that brought you the most pride– shoes, jacket, skirt, purse. He could spy a new hair cut. He had a naturally gifted talent to recognize your adornment, and he crowed his observations fueling confidences and narcissism. Often he was thanked for his keen observations with a tip.

I like getting compliments. I think it’s safe to say that we all like recognition of feeling well put together or beautiful. We appreciate when someone else finds an aesthetic appreciation for our clothes, accessories, or hairstyle. 

The one thing I’ve never been comfortable receiving are comments on my weight; any observation at all makes me squirm a bit. It feels to me like a judgment on my body – judgments based on appearances alone. I haven’t quite figured out why, exactly, it makes me so uncomfortable.

What I do know is that I don’t comment on the weight of others. I largely omit ever referring to a person’s weight in my observation of them because I’ve always thought there was too much damned focus on weight in our culture, fueling eating disorders, obsessive behavior, and the diet industry. We’re all built differently, and when I see somebody I feel like I’m looking beyond the external (after all, what I see with my eyes is only skin deep). What does extra weight gain or loss matter to my interaction with the full soul of a person in that shell of a body?

We’re made up of more than a number, and we have so many other external attributes that make us unique and beautiful: skin texture, color, hair, hairstyle, and (this is a big one) personality. There are the things we add to our appearance to embellish our beauty: nail color, make-up, clothing, jewelry, and other accessories.

These additional embellishments to our bodies are the things of compliments, and are best received when we understand why the compliment is given. For me, it’s good to know that a particular outfit looks exceptionally flattering, that a scarf looks good with my eyes, or that that combination of shirt and scarf makes you think of a French love affair. It’s an exposition on “you look great,” a phrase that has recently entered our lexicon of greetings in the U.S. and will lose ground and meaning without the genuine thought put behind it. Without thoughtful understanding of what we are saying, it could become the automatic “how are you?” greeting that elicits an equally robotic response. 

Again, I love compliments; I just want to know they are genuine, are made up of my adornment rather than my size, and that when you see me "I'm so happy to see you" comes as readily to your lips as "you look great" because there's a soul inside me that is so happy to see you - the you that's inside your body. 

Runner's Contemplation

As I went for my run this afternoon, I contemplated the differences between obligation and commitment.

These are my thoughts: Commitment is something you do because you desire the outcome it will bring you. You do it because you've set it as something that is important to you, in the long or short term.

Obligation is something you do for someone else, or for the greater good of the world. These are my definitions.

If commitment to an activity is resented, it often feels like obligation. So, it helps to step back from the activity and revisit the initial goal that established the commitment.

I Feel Bliss

I feel blissed out. Maybe it’s a combination of fresh air and the stinging of my cheeks after exposure to the suddenly low temperatures. Maybe it's the feel of a night hike, trusting the quiet and the darkness. Maybe it’s the moon shining so brightly that I needn’t a headlamp as I walked through the glowing surface of the snow up the quarter-mile road to my house that looks as gingerbread as ever with the dusting of snow.

Maybe it's knowing I'm the first, here, now. And there's evidence.

The feeling of euphoria might be from not fighting it, not fighting any of it. I was a few minutes late to my yoga class this evening and was locked out; “oh well, I reasoned, must not be meant to happen.” I felt it genuinely, too. It wasn’t a consolation or practice in self-soothing; it was a recognition that tonight may not have been the night for me to show up for this class.

The slight surrender I’ve experienced this evening wasn’t with me all day. I struggled with wakefulness and my snooze button, but calm set in around noon when I was the only person in my Groove class. So I danced alone for that hour. I enjoyed playing in the space, trying new things with my body, and seeing just how the music wanted me to move.

There’s a hollow calm in me tonight, and I like it. Maybe this is peace.

This Blog Matters

It’s the first time I’ll say it. I want to write a post daily here this year. I’ll write because I hope that what I have to say matters. By the account of my friend and constant blogger Cathryn Wellner, when we blog because writing matters to us, and then to do so about topics that matter to us, then it matters! So, I hope you’ll bear with the indulgence as I write about whatever it is that strikes my fancy this year.

It may be that I write about food.

It may be that I write about walking, or running, or dance.

It may be that I write about friends.

I may, and hope to, have audio installations – podcasts – that capture interviews of the most interesting people I know.

I’ll do it here and now because it’s high time I speak up, whether its about the minute observations, like ones I made today on a first time visit to The Asheville Public for breakfast, or bigger ideas, concepts and questions (that I’ll save for later).

My two cents on the old Silver Dollar (now TAP) are that the renovations have turned the dark shell of a greasy spoon into a bright and welcoming destination. The designers thoughtfully included laptop plugs at the bar but overlooked the install of necessary purse hooks (which are hard to come by in this town at any rate). The waitstaff are still wobbly on their service; I had to flag down my waitress for coffee refills, salt and pepper for my companion, and the bill. I didn’t bother correcting the botched custom order of the house cured salmon bagel, and wondered why they paired the salmon with such a run-of-the-mill bagel in the first place.

I feel like a food critic, and I’m not. I’m a simple girl, with simple food tastes. I know what I like, and I think that generally the food writers in Asheville are overly kind about their experiences. It’s a small town, and I understand not wanting to ruffle feathers, or worse, make enemies. In fact, I’ve been trying to avoid that for a long time, which is why I’m speaking up now, even if it’s something as mundane as needing a better bagel.

At the dam, on the dam-pasture trail at WWC.

After breakfast the cold wind drove with Julie and me to Warren Wilson College where we took a hike on the network of trails from Pasture-Dam to Suicide Ridge. We snapped a few photos at the dam, I performed a few cartwheels through the pasture, and we ambled easily on the paths talking, as hikers do, of everything and nothing. 

A cartwheel for 2012!

Several years ago someone talked of spending New Years Eve in the way you want to spend the next year, perhaps surrounded by friends, dining finely, or partying heartily. Really, it’s however you want to spend your time. I always take that to heart as the New Year approaches. How do I want to spend my year?

I want to spend it as I’ve spent these three days since New Years Eve, sharing meals with friends, taking long runs, practicing yoga, writing, walking, speaking my mind, celebrating the beauty of this place, and having conversations about everything and nothing.

How do you want to spend yours?  

365 Days

My friend Julie Steffler just completed a Bikram Yoga 365 challenge. She committed at the outset of 2011 to take 365 classes in 365 days. To do this she had to be consistent. Sometimes, she had to double up, or triple up on classes certain days to accommodate for travel or other inhibiting factors. She had to rethink what most people believe is possible for our bodies. In fact, our bodies and our minds are capable of so much. We just have to give them the challenge, and allow ourselves to flourish in it.

Seeing someone set a goal and then achieve it is so inspiring, isn't it? It's like hiking a long distance trail, running a marathon, or biking across the U.S. (or the world!) It means planning ahead. It means taking it one class, one day, or one step at a time. The outcome will be worth it.

Julie lives and practices yoga in Kelowna, British Columbia.

2011: A Year in Review

These are some of the highlights. 

Deep, deep crying jags.

They’ve been infrequent, but I’m learning how to allow myself to cry when the need to emote presents itself. I’m learning to access and allow my emotions.

Hike up to Mt. Mitchell

A hike up the Black Crest Trail to Mt. Mitchell, the highest point in the eastern U.S. 

Backpacking Trips!
I went backpacking in the Smokies twice and the Grayson Highlands. I hiked all around the Appalachian Trail in Virginia, Tennessee, and North Carolina, too.

Getting beyond the heartache of the late 2010 breakup with Trevor and knowing it’s all for the best.

Reading and doing the work of Calling in the One with my book club friends Julie and Jen. 

Plus, discovering Marianne Williamson’s A Woman’s Worth and Geneen Roth's Women Food & God. 

The Groove Method certification in Harrisonburg, Virginia, and my return to Harrisonburg over my birthday weekend to lead one of my first Groove classes for The Summit, the nation’s first women’s hiking and backpacking conference. 

Groove and dance, in general!

Women’s Drum & Dance Weekend in Asheville!

Presentation at UNCA on Hiking Through History

Lots of rewarding long runs and good races!

            My favorites:

• Greer ½ marathon
• Cooper River Bridge Run
• and the 15K in DC in early Dec.

ATC Family program research, manual, and training

The series of yoga classes I got at Lighten Up through Groupon.

20 Push-ups daily (well, for a while anyway)

New music

Friendships with Sylvia, Audra, Amanda, Marge, Elizabeth, Marcus, Ian, Tracy, Jo, Andrea, and distant friends who I talk to as if no time has passed at all.

Hikes with my niece & nephew

For a while we took hikes every other Wednesday. 

Getting dressed up and feeling beautiful.

Feeling healthy.

The excitement of dates!

Halloween costuming!

Photo shoot with Marge & Fred

I realized I really can get my photo made without blinking. Tip: say "crazy eyes" before you snap the photo. 

Standing on the Edge

I’m standing in my own way now. Blocking the thoughts that are in me. Standing in the way of free formed thought, luscious flowing words from my fingers. Standing on and squashing heart-felt ideas on freedom, beauty, bodies, love. Here I stand
Stand on it all
Stand atop,
Pounce
Jump
Bounce
Stuff it in. Cram it in the already too small container.
Contain all that can’t be contained
I say “no more! Let me out”
Let me scream out goodness.
Let me yell my “O”
Let me hollar till they hear me on distant seas. 
Let me say “Oh, Yes” and “My greatness” this and “My greatness” that
Let me pronounce the words of holiness within myself.
Let me call in to myself the power to let myself live fully.
Embolden fearless movement
Embrace the what if’s and
How would it feel, if
And what in the world is going on in there anyway?, but only long enough to notice
Then, a forgetting, a letting go, a lack of specific focus on who might care
Or what someone might think, because do you know what?
I’ve cared for far too long about what people think. I’ve cared far too much about muffling my words, my heart, my song, and my spirit for the consideration of others – that they might be uncomfortable by it. That it might be too much for them. That they might get too much and turn away.
I quieted it.
No longer.
Live without restriction.
Life in borders and unbound creativity
Fluidity in motion
Grace
Power
Beauty
Softness
Kindness to myself
And the offering of permission to others to do unto themselves
With kind eyes,
Gentle touch
Sweet words “I love you”
I love you
I love you
You’re the world to me. You are goodness
Love
Hope
Beauty
Joy
This world embodied in this frame.
Cannot be wrong
This world in this breath is enough
Enough for words to step out of me

Here, when we stand on the edge of our comfort, we can let go of needing to control, needing to be right, fearing what others might think. We can come into our largeness.

Here, when we dance on the edge of our beings, we reach something greater – a letting go, a giving in, a softness to ourselves/the movement/the mind.