Saturday, December 31, 2011

2011: A Year in Review

These are some of the highlights. 

Deep, deep crying jags.
They’ve been infrequent, but I’m learning how to allow myself to cry when the need to emote presents itself. I’m learning to access and allow my emotions.

Hike up to Mt. Mitchell
A hike up the Black Crest Trail to Mt. Mitchell, the highest point in the eastern U.S. 

Backpacking Trips!
I went backpacking in the Smokies twice and the Grayson Highlands. I hiked all around the Appalachian Trail in Virginia, Tennessee, and North Carolina, too.

Getting beyond the heartache of the late 2010 breakup with Trevor and knowing it’s all for the best.

Reading and doing the work of Calling in the One with my book club friends Julie and Jen. 

Plus, discovering Marianne Williamson’s A Woman’s Worth and Geneen Roth's Women Food & God. 

The Groove Method certification in Harrisonburg, Virginia, and my return to Harrisonburg over my birthday weekend to lead one of my first Groove classes for The Summit, the nation’s first women’s hiking and backpacking conference. 

Groove and dance, in general!

Women’s Drum & Dance Weekend in Asheville!

Presentation at UNCA on Hiking Through History

Lots of rewarding long runs and good races!

            My favorites:
  • Greer ½ marathon
  • Cooper River Bridge Run
  • and the 15K in DC in early Dec.

ATC Family program research, manual, and training

The series of yoga classes I got at Lighten Up through Groupon.

20 Push-ups daily (well, for a while anyway)

New music

Friendships with Sylvia, Audra, Amanda, Marge, Elizabeth, Marcus, Ian, Tracy, Jo, Andrea, and distant friends who I talk to as if no time has passed at all.

Hikes with my niece & nephew
For a while we took hikes every other Wednesday. 

Getting dressed up and feeling beautiful.

Feeling healthy.

The excitement of dates!

Halloween costuming!

Photo shoot with Marge & Fred
I realized I really can get my photo made without blinking. Tip: say "crazy eyes" before you snap the photo. 

Thursday, December 1, 2011

Standing on the Edge

I’m standing in my own way now. Blocking the thoughts that are in me. Standing in the way of free formed thought, luscious flowing words from my fingers. Standing on and squashing heart-felt ideas on freedom, beauty, bodies, love. Here I stand
Stand on it all
Stand atop,
Stuff it in. Cram it in the already too small container.
Contain all that can’t be contained
I say “no more! Let me out”
Let me scream out goodness.
Let me yell my “O”
Let me hollar till they hear me on distant seas. 
Let me say “Oh, Yes” and “My greatness” this and “My greatness” that
Let me pronounce the words of holiness within myself.
Let me call in to myself the power to let myself live fully.
Embolden fearless movement
Embrace the what if’s and
How would it feel, if
And what in the world is going on in there anyway?, but only long enough to notice
Then, a forgetting, a letting go, a lack of specific focus on who might care
Or what someone might think, because do you know what?
I’ve cared for far too long about what people think. I’ve cared far too much about muffling my words, my heart, my song, and my spirit for the consideration of others – that they might be uncomfortable by it. That it might be too much for them. That they might get too much and turn away.
I quieted it.
No longer.
Live without restriction.
Life in borders and unbound creativity
Fluidity in motion
Kindness to myself
And the offering of permission to others to do unto themselves
With kind eyes,
Gentle touch
Sweet words “I love you”
I love you
I love you
You’re the world to me. You are goodness
This world embodied in this frame.
Cannot be wrong
This world in this breath is enough
Enough for words to step out of me

Here, when we stand on the edge of our comfort, we can let go of needing to control, needing to be right, fearing what others might think. We can come into our largeness.

Here, when we dance on the edge of our beings, we reach something greater – a letting go, a giving in, a softness to ourselves/the movement/the mind.